


Mind Over Matter

by Nugg



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Heavy Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 01:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14759963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nugg/pseuds/Nugg
Summary: Ryuji finally snaps.(Or Ryuji and Akira make up over something that ruined their relationship.)





	Mind Over Matter

**Author's Note:**

> This is angsty beware. Alcoholism, cheating, and emotional break downs mentioned. 
> 
> But don't worry!! I don't think I could ever write a full breakup, this is more of a realization fic. Happy ending ensues.

       Ryuji had grimaced when he opened the door to his home. It smelled so disgusting to him, the pungent alcohol burned his nose, and threw him back into a place in his younger years he never wanted to go to again.

        None of it was his fault. And it was shit that he had to keep reminding himself of that. It was so easy to muddle through something when you blamed it on yourself. Especially when you're easily a screw-up.

        The morning sun was peaking through the blinds on his windows. Casting an array of orange light throughout the house, it highlighted various areas of the livingroom. Especially the lump on the couch, who had left the lamp on the side table on. Illuminating the glass of a liquor bottle he couldn't bother with knowing the name of. It hurt too much to even think about the drink. And yet, there it was, practically rubbed in his face.

      It sucked. _It sucked_ so bad. He was so upset, but he balled up his fists and ignored it like he always had. Akira.

       _He didn't want to say that name, let alone think it._ But yet, there he lay, slumped and knowingly deep into a hangover. Ryuji had to pretend he wasn't there, grab a coffee and get to work.

         The machine was the loudest thing in the home. The silent place was so depressing. He'd always hated the quiet, it made him think too much, and that was never good. The only person who could fix that was Akira, and now he'd become a black mass that tossed him into a spiral of bad thoughts.

        Opening the fridge to get milk, he noticed the picture on the counter. Laying on its back, soaked in what smelled like beer, it was their engagement photo. The night Ryuji had felt ruined what they had always had.

         Burning on his finger, Ryuji was tempted to take his ring off and throw it away. Tempted to not even grab anything, and leave. Instead, he grabbed a water bottle.

        Slamming the door shut, he stomped into the livingroom too see the rise and fall of his finances chest. Black hair was knotted, face squished as he lay on his arm. Ryuji clutched the drink he held, unscrewed the cap, and dumped the water on Akira.

       He woke with a start and groaned, smoothing back his hair to look up and see Ryuji. Sun filtering in, was hugging his frame, showing off his watery eyes and pale skin.

       "Get up." Ryuji demanded, praying his voice didn't break.

        Akira buried his head in the blanket, and Ryuji yanked it from him, "Get up! Get the fuc- get up!"

         _Don't be like your dad. Control your anger, you're only hurting yourself._

         Dropping the blanket, Ryuji went to the kitchen again. Swinging the door to the refrigerator open again, he took a wine bottle and threw it as hard as he could on the ground. Causing glass and red liquid to fly everywhere.

        Akira peered over the couch and watched as Ryuji took a liquor bottle and slammed it down. Moving to the cans next, they exploded upon hitting the linoleum floor.

        He stood, and made his way to watch the blond throw more onto the ground. Reaching into the cupboard where Akira had hid some alcohol, and ripping the whole shelf out. Glass shards springing up in the air, blood started to seap through his socks.

         Leaning against the frame of the entrance to the kitchen, the other watched Ryuji finally lose it. Huffing heavily as he looked around the now messy room, and up to Akira silently staring at him.

        "I _hate_ you." Ryuji sneered, wiping a tear from his eye with his palm as he glanced at the glass bits by his feet, " _I hate you so much.._. I hate you."

          He said nothing, and it infuriated Ryuji, "Say something! Why are you like this- why!? Why did you-"

         Disregarding the pain in his feet, he stepped over broken bottles, and made his way to their bedroom.

        Desperate pulls of his clothes from hangers, he could hardly see anything through tears. Sliding his suitcase from under the bed, he started to frantically put his stuff inside.

         Bundling up a shirt, he stopped at Akira standing in the doorway with the picture on the counter in his hands. Pressed against his chest, "Don't leave me. Please."

          "Why? I'm not good enough Aki. I was never good enough for you, and as hard as I tried to convince myself otherwise, deep down inside, I knew I was wrong." He threw the shirt in the bag and moved to the drawers.

           Stepping into the room, Akira grabbed Ryuji's wrist and cringed at the tears streaking down his face, "I'm sorry."

            Yanking out of his grasp, Ryuji turned and became completely disgusted, "No... You're not."

          "I love you." He whispered, the room a cool blue now as the sun rose even higher. 

            Ryuji shook his head, "If you loved me, you wouldn't of tried to cheat on me Akira. You wouldn't drink to avoid me. You _knew_ how much I hated alcohol!"

         "I'm sorry Ryuji, I'm sorry." He had started to cry too.

          "Everyone hates you. I hope you know? Futaba won't talk to you, Sojiro won't let you stay with him. Ann and Haru can't look at you without crying. And Yusuke is disgusted by you." Ryuji stepped away from the man who was practically sobbing.

           He grabbed another pair of pants and put them in his suitcase, "You have no right to cry. It's all your fault."

           Akira tried to take clothes from the suitcase, pulling them out in an attempt to make Ryuji stay. Pathetically locking a blurred gaze with the blond, he tried to breathe easily, "I- I wasn't- I didn't know what I had. I should've never..."

          "My whole life. I was worried I was never enough, and when you told me you liked me, I realized that maybe I was wrong. Maybe I could actually have someone love me." Ryuji tore into Akiras eyes with his own.

      "I do love you... You're the best thing- I was wrong."

      He'd caught him with another guy about a month ago. And it wasn't over. He'd hurt Ryuji to a point of depression. Every day afterwards getting harder and harder. Akira faced with him leaving changed the way he acted completely.

      Ryuji began to sob, falling to his knees at the end of the bed. Cries ringing out in the empty home, yellow sunlight lighting up the top half of Akiras face. _His sullen, baggy eyed, face._

      "You were bored of me!" He shouted and caused Akira to grimace, the situation sobering him up a bit.

       He shook his head, reached forward and wrapped his arms around Ryuji's shoulders. Sinking next to the blond in a tight hug, He'd began to gasp for breath between his tears.

      Turning his head, Ryuji rested his face into Akiras chest. Feeling lanky, slender fingers slide their way into his hair. Moving around and comforting like they'd always done. The two sat on the hardwood of their bedroom, and morning began to wake the city up.

       The black haired man's shirt was soaked with tears, fingers surfing through the prickly yellow strands of someome he'd hurt so deeply. Someone he loved so dearly, but thought was wearing him down.

      It was one kiss. But Ryuji had seen it, dropped whatever drink he held in his hand. Frozen in place as he watched Akira pull away from the monster that wreaked everything. Widened eyes met each other, and he'd scrambled to get up as Ryuji sprinted away.

       Losing him made him realize what he had. And he couldn't go on without his loud mouthed blond. He wanted to fix everything, and Ryuji was less than forgiving, _not like he didn't blame him._

       Alcohol was a solution, and he'd been drunk every day since he'd started two weeks ago. Numbing the pain of Ryuji's hatred, of everyone ignoring him.

      "I enrolled myself into AA." He said, chin resting upon the head of the broken Ryuji curled up in his lap.

      Ryuji sniffled, "Are we going to make this work?"

      "I will try everything I can to make this work. I won't leave your side everyday- I won't ever stop trying to make up for what I did Ryuji."

      "You effed me up Akira," He said, wiping a stray tear with the back of his hand, "And I feel like an idiot for wanting you back. The others are gonna kill me."

       Akira shook his head and took his fingers from Ryuji's hair finally, forcing the blond to look into his eyes, "You're amazing for wanting me back. I'm a terrible person."

      He nodded and laughed, choking halfway through, remenence of his sobs still there, "You really are... But I still love you."

       Taking Ryuji's hand in his, he thumbed the ring on his finger, the one he'd put there so long, but so recently. And realized that he couldn't ever take this boy for granted ever again.

       "I love you too."

 

        

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm nugg and welcome to fanfic therapy. Now if you'd make your way to the comments to express your grief-


End file.
